I hate dolphins.
 
What?  Why do you hate dolphins?  Everyone loves dolphins.  I'll bet even Kim Jong Il loves them. Maybe he has posters of them up in his missile silos.
 
Dolphins are dicks, dude.  A dolphin mugged my uncle once.
 
You are lying.  You are totally lying right now.
 
I'm not!  He was walking through Central Park, minding his own business, and this dolphin hit him in the head.  And demanded a herring.
 
It was probably a hobo in a dolphin suit.  Actual dolphins wouldn't mug anyone.  They're too busy flipping around in the air and saving Timmy from the well.
 
What?  That was Lassie.  Lassie was Timmy's dog.  
 
Well, how would Lassie save Timmy from a well?  Sounds like a job for a dolphin to me.
 
Whatever, dude.  Point is, it wasn't a hobo in a dolphin suit.  That doesn't even make sense.  Why would a hobo do that?  What's the hobo's motivation in that situation?
 
I don't know.  Chicken?  A ball of plaid yarn?  23.7 World of Warcraft figurines made out of electrum? Who knows why a hobo does ANYTHING?
 
Well, hobos, presumably.
 
Apparently you've never met any hobos.  I met one once who carried a little drawer around with him so he could slam his finger in it whenever anyone said the word "charcoal".
 
How the hell do you know that it was the word "charcoal" that made him do that?
 
I sort of followed him around for a week and kept yelling it at him.  He became a very interesting combination of annoyed about the finger pain and flattered by the attention.  Also, I'd just broken up with my girlfriend, so I figured that some casual hobo abuse was preferable to being arrested for stalking.
 
Ok, I can see why you might think that the dolphin was a hobo.
 
Maybe we should just agree that it was a hobo dolphin.
 
And its motivation was...
 
[TOGETHER] CHICKEN OF THE SEA! 

This is further proof that I need backup dancers with me at all times.

 

I've been thinking a lot about time lately. Or rather, speed. The speed at which time goes by. The speed that I assign to certain tasks and deny to others. Why do I spend so much time doing certain things and almost no time doing others? Why does it seem like I keep cutting the amount of time I allot to writing and listening to music to almost nothing? Why am I whittling that time away to almost nothing?

I've decided that it's all Twitter's fault.

Greetings, Hardcore Hobo fans! I theorize that you are hardcore because you've been kind enough to keep me in your feed readers/bookmarks through all this long dry spell of No Hobo News. For which I thank you, from the bottom of my hobo-ey little heart.

Wow, two in one day! This is just a fill-in the blanks thing, though, so it probably doesn't count:

1. Put your iTunes/Ruckus/Napster/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Blow You Away

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
American Idiot

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Always be my Girl

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Racing Rock